Hear me out, it’s not that one should have children for the benefits it brings them, on the contrary I believe having children goes the order way around; the joy of giving love, care, etc if anything the benefit is of the children not that of the parents.

Our society glamorizes childbirth and having children so much, they also make it seems it’s all women are born to do, calls women who for any reason doesn’t have kids names, like it’s some sort of…like children are some sort of trophy or something, and it’s what birthed the culture of Parents guilt tripping their kids into being their retirements plan like “after all my suffer for you you should take care of me in my old age”

I don’t think it’s wrong to take care of your aging parents, I think it’s a blessing to be able to give back to the people who raised you, but I also think parents should not have kids as a form of…some people have kids like other people rear cattle, some people have kids just to have someone who retires them Why not have kids because you understand the requirements of being a parent and are prepared to be a parent, it shouldn’t be all you are in life, you should have other aspects of your life that works, your career, your health , your emotional intelligence, your finance etc should all be detached from your kid’s life.

I’m trying to say something but I can’t find the right words to say it without coming off “rude/ insensitive “ forgive me English isn’t my first language Igbo is, but watin I Dey talk be say, if you born pikin and you no really ready to born that pikin and you come gats put all your finances on top that pikin to the extent you no come Dey take care of your health and you no come prepare for your retirement or for your old age, no blame the pikin later on in future And if you Dey plan to born pikin make sure say you prepare not just for the pikin (education, healthcare, etc them) but for your own too. I Dey talk say bearing pikin no be achievement rather nah responsibility way you go take up for the rest of your life and if you be woman labor wahala, breastfeeding, child raising fit even affect your health, you still gats factor all these risks untop the pikin matter, because if you born and you no fit take care of yourself but only fit take care of your pikin, if anything happen to you, watin go come happen to your pikin?

So you see there isn’t a reward for having kids the only reward is sentiments; the joy of bringing someone into this world and watching them grow, someone to carry on your name ( but me as a woman won’t experience this because my child will likely bear his or her fathers name) in the end as a woman, if I put off all the glamorous vail my society has over marriage and childbearing there is nothing there to gain rather these are things that’ll require my responsibility, attention, time, energy, may affect my health and take years of my life or the rest of my life to commit to.

So if you consider all this and choose to want to still be a mother or a father and have plans on doing it well, I think you understand what love really means and you’ll be a great parent. Because love does not need anything in return.